A surreal and abstract place to play.

some people scavenging for ballpoint pens

Following a taste and tongue study by the University of Mindanos in Malaysia, 5 of the 7 previous MasterChef series are to be repeated.

The study found that males had a unique tongue node that allowed them to taste food differently to women. Therefore, Any competition hugged by male judges was more likely to land in the laps of the male competitors.

As 5 previous winners of the Moody Blues sponsored MasterChef award winning series have been of the hand grenade brigade, MasterChief have taken the unusual step of writing to the winners. One by one. They have asked earlier winners to either remove said rogue node, or to adopt two right-handed sloths, with mortician’s eyes, if they wish to partake in the new shoot out.

Distraught former winner Tristan Scurrillous-Jones told the Pingvin, that’s me that is, that he thought it unlikely he would return to contest his shrivelled crown. Filled with dried paint, the winner of Series 9 repeated his oft-used competition pigeon call to perk himself up.

Former MasterChuff presenter (series 41-37), turned head honcho, Orville, revealed that most contestants were reluctant to go through a node removal. Sitting on my arm, he said:

Where is that other nonce?

2006 playa de la sierra winner Thomas Myers has had to undergo a series of faints to make her more butch, so that she could then become a man and lose her title, so that she could essence the whole thing again. Myers told Home Delivery TV:

I have loved caravans since the age of 29, and to have the opportunity of baking a brisket in the Altman 7778 is a dream come true.

Expect more ganashing (ha) of teeth, with Greggggg Toroad and Johnny Wallis replete with shared tongue nodes at the ready. No sloths were harmed during the writing of this article as the author could not find one to harness.